


First-glance Feeling

by pepsicola



Category: South Park
Genre: Based on "Holy Ground", F/M, Title is a lyric from "Holy Ground" by Taylor Swift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-29 08:35:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17804675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepsicola/pseuds/pepsicola
Summary: Never felt something like this before.





	1. Chapter 1

**I was reminiscing just the other day**  
**While having coffee all alone, and Lord, it took me away**  
**Back to a first-glance feeling on New York time**  
**Back when you fit my poems like a perfect rhyme**

* * *

Kyle Broflovski was sick. Sick of Eric Cartman, sick the dumbass juniors in his Algebra 2 class, sick of seeing his super best friend, Stan, back with Wendy Testaburger in freshman year. It had only been a few weeks into the year when they got back together, and it was like Kyle’s heart burst when he heard the news. But he wasn’t too hurt by the fact Stan was back with Wendy. That happened all the time, save for the two years in middle school. No, what hurt was the fact that Stan didn’t tell Kyle about it. It was one week after school started that he heard from Clyde who heard from Bebe that Stan and Wendy were back together.

But that was a year ago. Now, Kyle was in sophomore year, two months in. He’d become dull to seeing Stan in the halls with an arm around Wendy. He’d become dull to not seeing Stan at their lunch table, instead sitting with Wendy and her friends, pausing from eating to kiss her cheek.

He also noticed Heidi Turner, who was in his Algebra 2 class, pointedly looking away from Wendy and Stan, like she too was sick of it. They spoke to each other a little in class, since they were the only people they knew. It was a given. It was a Tuesday when Kyle found himself watching the way Stan smiled at Wendy. But this time, his eyes drifted to the right, where Heidi Turner sat, her nose buried in a book. Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, her brown eyes glued to the words on the pages. Her legs were crossed under the table, covered with gray sweatpants. Lately, there had been a strange pull in his chest when he first saw her waiting outside his Algebra 2 classroom on the first day of school. The pull always made him look to her, in class, at lunch, passing her in the halls. She had always been a mystery to him, a case to be solved and dissected. She left him on the edge of his seat, just like the mystery novels he read. Then Heidi glanced up over the top of her book, and their eyes met. She smiled small.

Heat flared up in Kyle’s face, and he looked away, focusing on how fast his heart was pounding against his rib cage. That was all it was. A first-glance feeling that triggered a hurricane of emotions. He tried to avoid meeting her eye in class. Why, he didn’t know. Maybe because he knew this would happen.

He approached from a different view, pretending to look at his phone while studying her. Since fourth grade, she’d lost some of the weight she gained, but she hadn’t lost it all. She was the curvy type, as Butters had put it, or “thick, but not as thick as Henrietta,” as Kenny put it. She’d lost the chub in her cheeks. Her hair and eyes were back to the way they’d been, except they carried a heavy sadness. And maybe it was Kyle’s imagination, but she only seemed to wear sweatpants no matter the time of the year.

“What are you doing?” Cartman asked.

Kyle glared at the fat boy sitting across from him. “Nothing,” he hissed.

Cartman raised an amused eyebrow and glanced over his shoulder. “Hmm… let’s see. You could be staring at Stan, which you probably _were_ doing, but telling from your body language, that’s not who you were looking at.” He tapped his chin, making Kyle’s annoyance spark. Cartman brightened. “Oh look! It’s Heidi. Yes, that explains it!” he said, turning back to Kyle.

“Shut up, Cartman,” he snapped, though he didn’t deny him.

Cartman looked satisfied with himself as he shrugged. “Fine. Be that way. I won’t help you.”

“I don’t want your help.”

Cartman always deliberately not listened to whatever Kyle told him. So Cartman nudged Clyde to his right, whispering in his ear. Clyde perked up, looking at Kyle. Kyle had a very bad feeling. Clyde nodded and stood from the table, walking over to Wendy’s table. He went up to Bebe, whispering in her ear.

“What did you tell him, fatass?” Kyle growled, though he suspected he already knew the answer.

“Oh, nothing. Just that you’re crushing on Heidi.”

“And that doesn’t bother you?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“Why would it?”

Then Bebe stood as Clyde returned. Kyle watched with wide eyes as Bebe beckoned Heidi closer and cupped her hand around her mouth. Heidi’s eyes met Kyle’s and he wanted to die. Or kill Cartman. Especially when Heidi collected her stuff and got up from her table, starting in the general direction of his. His breathing went short and his heart was going unnaturally fast.

“God _d_ _ammit_ , Cartman! Don’t you have anything better to do? Like make out with Butters or something?” he snapped.

Cartman’s face darkened. “You know what—” He stopped, inspecting Butters next to him. His face changed from pissed to smug. His thumb went under Butters’ chin, and he lifted Butters’ open binder as he leaned into him, covering their faces.

But that happened just as Heidi stood beside Kyle. Everyone at Kyle’s table watched with rapt attention and hawk-like eyes. Heidi said, “Can I talk to you, Kyle?”

He froze, unable to form words. Cartman answered for him. “Of course you can!” he exclaimed. He leaned on the binder with a bright smile on his stupid face.

Like on strings, Kyle stood and grabbed his backpack, following Heidi to the library. As they walked, Heidi filled the silence by saying, “Sorry about all this. Stan and Wendy are being extra cutesy today. I was feeling a little left out, and it made me kind of sick. ‘Cause I’m, like, the only single one in my group. Wendy’s dating Stan, Red’s dating Kevin Stoley… you know.”

Coming out of his stupor when he realized that this was just Heidi—the girl who was manipulated by Eric Cartman and shunned and scarred from it, and the girl that Kyle totally did _not_ have a huge crush on in fourth and sixth grade. Kyle rolled his eyes. “Yeah, same. Tweek and Craig, Stan and Wendy, Token and Nichole, Cartman and Butters, Kenny and Henrietta?”

Her eyes widened. “Really? They're finally together?”

Kyle laughed. “No. He wishes though.” He pushed open the library doors, holding it open for her.

“Oh. And don’t forget Clyde and Bebe.”

He blinked. “They’re dating? I thought they’re just friends?”

Heidi dropped her book into the book return. “No, they are, but we all know they’ll end up together. It’s meant to be. And whenever someone asks Bebe if she’s dating Clyde, she says, ‘No, we’re just friends for now,’ literally implying they’ll date sometime in the near future.”

“Damn, that sucks. So me and Jimmy are the only bachelors then, huh?”

She went to the fiction section of the library before giving him an apologetic smile, meeting his eyes. “Actually, Jimmy asked Annie out yesterday. Sorry…”

He frowned. “That’s depressing.” Tired of talking about how they were both the only single ones in their group, his eyes fell on the book in her hands. “What book is that?”

She turned the cover towards him. “ _Romeo and Juliet,_ though it’s probably not the best thing to read if I’m feeling lonely. But it was probably my subconscious talking.” She laughed nervously.

“Probably. Maybe I can read it with you.” Hearing the words he’d blurted made him cringe. What was he doing?

Heidi blinked in surprise. “Really? It’s kind of cliche that girls usually like it…”

Unable to go back, Kyle shrugged. “So? It’s one of Shakespeare’s best plays.”

“True.”

There was a beat of silence. Then, Heidi laughed, “ _Romeo and Juliet_ is not the book to read when we’re feeling lonely.” She smiled for a bit before it slowly turned thoughtful. “So… I’m really happy for Eric. I’m glad he’s finally found his true self, and is with someone who can make him happy.”

“You saw the Instagram stories too?”

“Hasn’t everyone?”

“You still follow Cartman?” He picked up a second copy of _Romeo and Juliet._

She shook her head. “No. I just saw screenshots from Bebe and Wendy’s stories, then I went onto his account and saw the collection he’d made. Plus, Butters’ and Eric’s relationship has been the talk of the school for the past month and a half.”

More silence.

Heidi shifted uncomfortably on her feet. She broke her gaze with Kyle. “Um… about fourth grade… I’m sorry I was such a bitch. I’ve apologized to everyone except you because I couldn’t bring myself to do it then, and even when I see you in class, but I’m saying it now. I’m _so_ sorry. I totally get if you hate me.”

Kyle’s mouth tilted downwards. “I don’t hate you. I know how far Cartman’s manipulations can go. It wasn’t your fault.”

Heidi sighed. “Yes it was. I let it happen, I let myself be used. I hope he doesn’t twist Butters into something he’s not.” She took the book to the librarian’s desk to check it out.

Not knowing if it would assure her or not, Kyle said, “I doubt it. They’ve been together for two years, plus the years leading up to that, and Butters is exactly the same. Well, he _has_ learned to be more assertive, but aside from that.”

She nodded. “Yeah. That’s true.”

The tips of his ears started burning as he stood at her shoulder while the librarian scanned their books. All he could think about Heidi’s words about _Romeo and Juliet_ and being lonely and her smile that followed. He hadn’t felt this way since sixth grade, and suddenly it was all flooding back and drowning him. When the librarian handed him back his book, he cleared his throat. Heidi looking up at him made him sweat. “Wanna go back outside?” he asked.

“Sure.”

It was an oddly hot October day. Usually as soon as August ended, snow settled back in South Park, but that wasn’t the case for the past two months. A lot of people were still in shorts and T-shirts, seldom in jackets and pants. Kyle and a few kids kept their hats on, but that was it. Speaking of hats, Heidi no longer wore her maroon beanie, leaving her brown hair exposed and her bangs side swept.

Walking side by side, Kyle asked, “Aren’t you hot in those sweatpants? I mean—not that you’re hot—well you _are_ hot, but—I mean…”

Heidi laughed, sitting down at a table. “I get what you mean. And I’m not, like, dying. I’m okay.”

Kyle swallowed the lump in his throat, noticing her green tank top. “Right. Stupid question.” He sat beside her. Kids swarmed the quad, some talking, some making out. He could see his friends back at their table, and they were all watching him. He quickly averted his eyes, choosing instead to ask, “Why do you always wear pants? I don’t think I’ve seen you wear shorts or a skirt since fourth grade.”

Heidi shrunk into herself, and he realized he overstepped a boundary. “Oh… Um, I’m just not comfortable in that stuff,” she said, rubbing her palms over her thighs.

Kyle cleared his throat, the air suddenly awkward. “What about jeans? Or leggings? I heard those are lighter.”

“Leggings are comfortable, but I don’t like wearing them outside of home. As for jeans…” Her cheeks turned pink. “Promise not to tell anyone?”

“Promise.”

Heidi bit her lip. “This one time last year, I was wearing a pair of jeans that fit me when I was in eighth grade. It was fine the whole day, but after PE, I was trying to put the jeans back on, and they ripped on the inner thigh. It was _so_ embarrassing. I haven’t worn jeans since.” She didn’t meet his eye.

Kyle’s own cheeks turned pink when he caught himself glancing at her thighs.

She continued, “My friends told me it was no big deal, and they thought it was funny, and I laughed along too, but on the inside… I was… humiliated.” Her hands balled into fists. “They’re all so skinny. I went back to being vegan immediately after I broke up with Eric, but I couldn’t go back to normal, no matter how hard I tried. I even went to the gym with my parents, but not even that worked.”

At a loss for words, Kyle placed a sympathetic hand on her arm. Eventually, he found the right words. “Skinny isn’t normal. Normal depends on the person.”

Heidi sniffled. “I know. I just wish I were confident like Wendy and Bebe.”

“Bebe wasn’t always confident. Remember middle school? She wore big shirts everyday.”

“But now she’s so sure of herself. I’m just fat.”

“You’re not fat. Eric Cartman is fat.”

“Same difference.”

There was no convincing her. And that made him feel sad and guilty. He said, “I… I don’t know if this will help, but I know what it’s like to dislike the way you look. I’m insecure about my hair, which was why I wear my hat all the time.” To further his point, he took off his green hat and showed off his red afro.

Heidi gave him a watery laugh. “I like your hair.” She sprung one of his curls.

“Thanks. And I like you the way you are no matter what.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. His eyes widened and he flushed, waving his hands. “N-not that I—”

“I get it, Kyle.”

“Heh… cool.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Took off faster than a green light, go**  
**Hey, you skip the conversation when you already know**  
**I left a note on the door with a joke we'd made**  
**And that was the first day**

* * *

It was only a few hours later when school ended. Kyle sprinted to his locker to put away his history textbook, which he _really_ didn’t need to drag home with his already back-breaking backpack. Especially since his teacher never gave homework. He was spinning in his locker combination when he noticed a Post-it on his locker door. He finished with his locker combo, opening the door before taking the note off the locker. _“Romeo and Juliet is not the book to read when we’re feeling lonely."_ Kyle knew Heidi’s handwriting as well as he knew his own and Stan’s. Kyle grinned to himself.

Remembering he had a bus to catch, Kyle stuffed his textbook in his locker and ran out to the front of the school where the buses were parked. Thankfully, they were all still there, and a few kids were still boarding. Kyle jumped onto his bus, finding Kenny on the middle left, saving him a spot. Behind him, Cartman sat with Butters, and Kyle was painfully aware of Stan with Wendy at the front right of the bus. Kyle kept his head down as he sat next to Kenny.

“Where have you been?” Kenny asked.

Breathless, Kyle’s hand went to his pocket, tracing the edges of the Post-it. “My locker,” he said.

Kenny nodded and glanced back down at his phone. The bus stared to roll down the road as it followed the other bus in front of it. Kyle took out the note from Heidi. It was so simple, just a couple words they traded. And yet, Kyle had been thinking about those words all day, and it seemed she had too.

Kenny nudged him. “What’s that?” he asked.

Warmth crept up Kyle’s face as he answered, “It… it’s from Heidi. She left it on my locker door when I went to put my textbook away.”

Kenny raised an eyebrow. “She’s into you. What’re you gonna do about it?”

Kyle opened his mouth, but shut it immediately. Instead, he swapped the note for his phone. He had Heidi’s number from the beginning of the year when their Algebra teacher made them get the numbers of two people so if they were ever absent, then they could text the person about what they missed. Kyle had never attempted to text Heidi, but the mere thought of him having her number in his phone made him giddy.

He pulled up a message board and typed out, **Is it okay with you if I skip the conversation and just ask you out? Or maybe I’m taking the note the wrong way.**

He stared at it, his stomach twisting into knots. He held his phone out to Kenny, turning his head the other way. “You send it,” he hissed.

“Cool.” There was a push against Kyle’s phone, and he stared at his phone screen. It sent. The message had sent. That meant Heidi got the text message. God, he hoped he wouldn’t regret it.

Kenny thumped his back. “Chill, Kyle. The worst that could happen is she rejects you, which I’m sure she won’t because that note tells me she _really_ likes you,” he said. “Even if it makes no sense.”

Kyle let out a breath, not realizing he’d been holding it. “Yeah.”

The bus halted at the Middle Town stop. Their bus only had two, which was lucky because that meant more available seats. Half the kids on the bus stood and left. Only the South Park kids remained, all of which Kyle knew. It suddenly occurred to him that Heidi could be on this very bus. He swore under his breath. He whispered to Kenny, “Do you know if Heidi takes the bus?”

“She doesn’t.” Cartman was standing, leaning on the back of Kenny and Kyle’s seat. “Her dad picks her up from school. But congrats on finally growing some balls and asking Heidi out, Kyle.”

The bus driver shouted, “You in the red sweatshirt, you gettin’ off or what!”

Cartman rolled his eyes, but lowered himself back down. The bus drove off.

At their bus stop, the boys hopped off the bus and started on their way home. Cartman and Butters were walking ahead, Butters’ wearing Cartman’s red Adidas windbreaker. They were walking side by side with no contact being made, unlike Stan and Wendy, who were at the back, cooing at each other as Wendy hung off Stan’s arm. Kenny was attached to his phone as he texted back and forth with Henrietta Biggle. Kyle was left alone in his thoughts and worries, the warm air on his face.

Then his phone pinged and he was struck by the same twisting anxiety he had felt on the bus. He took his phone from his pocket with sweaty palms. He had a text. From Heidi. His breath caught in his throat. This was it. He felt numb as he opened the messages. He read her text with a million thoughts in his brain.

Heidi: **That obvious, huh? I was wondering if it wasn’t obvious enough. I’d love to skip the conversation and jump right into the race.**

Faster than a green light, on the first day, they were together. Or, he’d asked her out. But that kinda sorta made her his girlfriend, right?

“She said yes!” Kyle exclaimed.

“Knew it,” Kenny said.

“Who said yes?” Stan asked.

Cartman said, “Kyle asked Heidi out and she said yes.”

“Ooh. Congrats, Ky,” said Stan.

“Oh good. Heidi never shuts up about you,” Wendy added.

Kyle chewed on his lip. “Kenny, does agreeing to go out with someone make them your girlfriend?” he asked.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“Oh okay.”

“Ky’s got a girlfriend,” sang Stan.

Kyle blushed, covering his face with his hand. “Oh my God,” he muttered. “You’re such a _child_ , Stanley!”

“I know, dude. You should try it sometime.”

Kyle threw a glare over his shoulder. Stan grinned brightly at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**And darling, it was good**  
**Never looking down**  
**And right there where we stood**  
**Was holy ground**

* * *

Despite the clear day previous and the heat it brought, it rained the next day. Kyle sat with his friends in the cafeteria. Their school’s cafeteria was so small. You could tell they really encouraged kids to eat outside in the quad because it was crowded in the small room.

“This sucks,” Clyde remarked. “I’m going to Mrs. Johnson’s class with Bebe.” He stood and tossed his lunch in the trash. “See ya, losers.”

Kyle’s table seemed to be getting smaller and smaller with every passing day. First, Token started occasionally sitting with Nichole at lunch during middle school. Then, when freshman year hit, Stan was gone most of the time to sit with Wendy. Kyle never knew when Kenny would sit with them because it was so inconsistent. Clyde would leave to go hang out with Bebe. Even Cartman and Butters would walk off to be alone. Jimmy had other friends. Only Tweek and Craig were constant with sitting at their table. Or maybe they just felt bad if they were to leave Kyle all alone. And it probably wasn’t Craig pitying him. It was probably Tweek.

It was that kind of day today where most of the Kyle’s friends was gone. Token and Stan were with their girlfriends, Kenny was behind the school chatting up Henrietta, Clyde was going to hang out with Bebe, and Jimmy was in the Special Ed department with Timmy and them. Only Cartman, Butters, and Tweek and Craig were sitting with Kyle, and they were too absorbed in each other to notice him there.

Him losing all his friends to their lives was what caused his feeling of loneliness all the way back when they started high school. Everyone was off getting in relationships or finding new friends, but Kyle was stuck by himself. He knew he wasn’t the best looking or the nicest, but he never expected to be the loser kid whose friends abandoned him. Maybe that was another thing that contributed to his feeling of desperate need for Heidi. They were in a similar situation, and they could be lonely together.

Deciding he was done fifth wheeling, Kyle stood from his table and grabbed his stuff. None of his friends asked where he was going. He wondered if they’d even notice his absence. He had no idea where Heidi was, or if she was even at school. They had Algebra 2 after lunch, fifth period. He couldn’t find her in the cafeteria with her friends, so he assumed she was in the library or something. So he went in that direction.

He put up his hood over his hat and speed-walked to the library. It wasn’t pouring, but it wasn’t sprinkling either. He got to the library soon enough, wiping off the droplets clinging to his face. Like their cafeteria, the library was small, but it was decent. There were computers and good books, a study room, and a classroom too. Kyle checked the fiction sections first. No Heidi. He knew she didn’t really read nonfiction, but he checked those aisles anyway. Nothing. He peeked into the study room, and when he didn’t see Heidi, he headed for his Algebra classroom.

He crossed his fingers in the pockets of his orange coat that she was there. But he stopped when he was outside the classroom. He was nervous. Why? Because on Friday, he was taking Heidi to Denny’s on a date. Their very first date, since the one in fourth grade was cut short. They’d done it all over text, and him not having to be there in person or hear his voice aloud made him more confident than he was. He took a breath, getting a hold of himself, and pushed open the door to the classroom. For an Algebra 2 teacher, Mr. Bryant was a chill dude. He could be strict when needed, but he was fun all while keeping the attention of his students as he taught them math. There were three other kids in the class, but Kyle focused on Heidi sitting at her desk, reading  _ Romeo and Juliet.  _ Grinning to himself, Kyle sat at his desk right behind hers. He tapped her shoulder.

Heidi turned in her seat. When she saw him, she smiled. “Oh, hey, Kyle,” she said.

He said, “I was wondering why you weren’t in the cafeteria. I was looking in the library for you too.”

Heidi’s cheeks turned rose pink. “O-oh, really? God, I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you,” she said.

Kyle chuckled. “No, no, it’s fine. I should’ve texted you. My mistake. I wasn’t thinking practically,” he admitted.

Mr. Bryant said, “Well you better start thinking practically, Kyle, because the warning bell’s ringing in two minutes.”

Kyle paled as he stared at Heidi, who started giggling. “Let’s go into the hall,” she whispered.

Kyle nodded, leaving his stuff to follow her into the hall.

In the hallway, Heidi leaned against the lockers, looking everywhere but him, but she had this expression on her face that made Kyle jittery. It wasn’t a bad expression. It was full of wonder and something heavy that made him want to grab her face so he could kiss her already. And maybe that was what he should do.

He was taking a step closer when Heidi looked up at him and said, “I’m really looking forward to Friday. I wish it could come sooner, you know? Or does that just sound creepy and desperate?”

Kyle snorted, shaking his head. “Not at all, Heidi. Not. At. All.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, like she was silently telling him to just kiss her. And he wanted to. He’d never wanted something so badly. But what if he was misinterpreting those looks that left him feeling like he was hanging upside down in midair? But what if he was interpreting them correctly?

Kyle’s hand found its way to her cheek. She leaned into his palm, and he brought her closer. She pressed up on her tiptoes, and he bent his neck.

...But was it so wrong to try?

His lips were on hers. He’d never felt or tasted anything so good. He finally understood his friends’ obsessions with their partners.

Heidi’s arms wrapped around his neck, and his free hand went down to her waist. It was holy. The kiss, the feeling, where they stood.

Kyle had only ever kissed one girl on his own will before Heidi and that was Rebecca Cotswolds in third grade. He didn’t count Bebe because he never wanted that. It was rare for him to feel romantically towards people. He only ever felt strongly about certain people. Like his super best friend and Heidi Turner. Sure at some point lost in time, there was Rebecca and Nichole and Leslie where they’d made his heart stop, but not the way Stan and Heidi got him. And what Kyle was feeling at this very moment was something he’d never felt before.

He wanted to kiss her harder, keep her right there pinned against the lockers until his lungs gave out, but the bell rang, and a stream of students burst through the doors. Heidi pulled away, which was probably best because it seemed Kyle had forgotten how to.

Heidi put her hands on both his cheeks. “To be continued,” she said. She took his hand and led him into their Algebra 2 classroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I have to be so extra and have a Taylor Swift song for every one of my ships, you ask? I don't know but it really do be like that sometimes.


	4. Chapter 4

**Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress**   
**We had this big wide city all to ourselves**   
**We blocked the noise with the sound of, "I need you"**   
**And for the first time, I had something to lose**

* * *

Kyle had a few hours to kill after school before his date with Heidi at seven. So right after school around four-thirty, Kyle and Kenny dropped by Cartman’s house. Kenny knocked on the door. The door swung open after five heartbeats, and Cartman stood there. The hood of his black Cheesy Poofs hoodie was up, the drawstrings tied around his chin. He was cradling Mr. Kitty like one would a baby.

“What?” Cartman said.

Kyle said, “You invited us over?”

Cartman’s violet and brown eyes rolled up to the back of his head as he breathed in deep through his nose. He groaned as he let it out before stepping aside to let them in. “Yes. You’re right. I did,” he said. Under his breath, he muttered, “ _ Why _ did I do that?”

Kenny asked, “Are Leo and Clyde here?”

They walked into the living room. When referring to “Cartman’s house,” Kyle always thought of yellow walls, green floors, and the brown couch. But Cartman moved into Clyde’s house back in June of seventh grade. Now the walls were muted green and the floor was faded magenta. He didn’t expect to ever get used to it.

“Yes, obviously Butters is here, but Clyde’s not.” Cartman disappeared behind the wall separating the kitchen and living room, leaving Kenny and Kyle behind. Mr. Kitty trotted out.

Kenny turned to Kyle. “Did you tell Stan to meet us here?” he asked.

“Yes,” Kyle snapped. “But he said he couldn’t make it.”

Kenny took off his orange hoodie, exposing his Cookies T-shirt, palm trees printed within the word. “That sucks. He usually always has time for board game night,” he said. “Or late afternoon, since Mr. Lucky has a date.” He shot Kyle a smirk as he sat on the blue couch. Kyle followed suit.

Words floated from the kitchen to the boys, but they were too muffled to decipher. Cartman emerged, collapsing in the armchair diagonal to Kyle. He kicked his feet up onto the coffee table, his hand buried in a bag of Hot Cheetos. “Stan’s not here?” he asked, directing the question at Kyle. He tossed a few Cheetos into his mouth.

Kyle huffed, rolling his eyes. He slumped against the couch.

Kenny, sensing his frustration, said for him, “Nah, he’s busy. Where’s Clyde?”

Cartman said, “He’s out with Bebe.”

“On a date?” Kyle asked.

Cartman shook his head. “No. They went to the movies but, as Clyde said, ‘it’s not a date.’ I don’t believe those two idiots for one second,” he said.

“Oh, give Clyde a break, Eric. If they’re not ready to start dating then leave ‘em be.”

Kyle and Kenny turned towards Butters. He was wearing Cartman’s windbreaker again, even though they were inside. It was unzipped. “Hi, fellas!” he exclaimed.

“Sup, Leo!” Kenny said.

Kyle said to Butters, “But the thing about Bebe and Clyde is that they  _ actually  _ say they love each other out loud.”

“W-well, yeah. That’s true,” Butters agreed.

Cartman extended his arms, and Butters automatically crossed the room to sit in his lap. Cartman wrapped his arms around him, kissing his cheek.

Kenny chuckled. “Damn. You guys are  _ really _ taking advantage of the fact that you’re dating publicly now,  _ huh _ ?” he asked sarcastically.

Kyle agreed, “Oh  _ yeah _ they are.  _ Total _ PDA.” It was sarcasm at its most blatant. It was also the first time Kyle had seen them kiss. It was a rarity in itself to catch them holding hands.

Cartman scowled. “Shut the hell up, Jew,” he snapped.

“God, grow up.”

“Why don’t you?”

“You’re so immature.”

“Says the one who’s just going on his first date with Heidi, whereas  _ I  _ have been in a stable relationship for two years,” Cartman said snottily.

Cartman and Butters explained to their friend group that their relationship started in eighth grade when Butters asked if they were dating, but it really went all the way back to fifth grade. According to Cartman, he was going over to Butters’ house in fifth grade to talk about his mom’s relationship with Clyde’s dad. Then in seventh grade, Cartman started going over to Butters’ house on the daily when his mom got engaged to Roger Donovan. A day before the wedding in April, Cartman asked to kiss Butters, and they’d been kissing since. Until Butters asked if they were dating in September of eighth grade.

Kyle still found it bizarre. He dropped the subject, getting bored with his and Cartman’s old bickering.

Cartman murmured to Butters, “I can’t believe you stole this from me.” He tugged at the windbreaker.

Butters put his head back on Cartman’s shoulder. “You only wear hoodies anyway.”

“Yeah, because they’re easier to put on.  _ And  _ it’s hoodie season.”

“No, it’s ‘cause the only clothes in your closet are sweatpants and hoodies,” Butters argued.

Kyle added, “And because he’s too lazy to zip up his other jackets.”

“That’s right,” Cartman agreed.

“Now that everyone’s here, who’s turn is it to choose the board game?” Kenny asked.

Kyle said, “It’s Stan’s, since Butters went last time. But he’s not here, so that means the next birthday is yours, Kenny.”

“Yesss,” Kenny said. He stood from his spot and went over to the carefully organized shelf next to the TV, where the Donovans’ video games, DVDs, CDs, and board games were kept. To no one’s surprise, Kenny chose Cards Against Humanity. He dealt out ten cards before asking, “Who pooped most recently?”

“Me,” Cartman said. He reached around Butters and took a black card from the pile, facing it upwards. “‘I’m not racist, but…’”

Kyle snorted, sifting through his cards. “Yes, you are,” he muttered.

An hour later, Cartman and Kenny were tied. They were definitely the best at Cards Against Humanity, considering Kenny’s dirty mind and Cartman’s offensive sense of humor. One more card that Kyle chose would determine the winner, or continue the game if he chose a card that belonged to Butters. He shuffled around the three white cards. Butters surprisingly had three black cards, but Kyle suspected he only had that many because he was still sitting in Cartman’s lap, and Kyle caught Cartman pointing to which white card Butters should put down at least twice. 

Kyle read the black card: “‘What ended my last relationship?’” He turned over the first white card. “‘Sexual tension.’  _ Kenny _ ,” he said, narrowing his eyes at the grinning gap-toothed boy.

He reread the black card, flipping over the next white one. “‘My relationship status.’” He snickered.

The last white card said, “‘Soup that is too hot.’”

“The fuck did you do with that soup?” Kenny mumbled.

“Probably spilled it all over their pants,” Butters said.

Kyle spread out the cards face up on the table. He pointed to the  _ My relationship status _ one. “Cartman?” he guessed.

Cartman shook his head. “Sadly, no.”

Kyle started cackling. “Butters?”

Butters beamed, bouncing excitedly in Cartman’s lap, which made the fat boy look way too elated to be appropriate. “Yep!” Butters exclaimed.

Kyle laughed harder, covering his nose with his shirt to keep milk from spurting out. He handed Butters the black card.

Calming down with tears in his eyes, Kyle said, “Wait, wait. Cartman, your card is the soup one?” he asked.

Cartman nodded. “Yeah. It was the best thing I had.”

Kyle wiped his eyes. “I guess that means you’re next to draw again.”

“I’m not fucking choosing Kenny’s because I’ve done that three times already,” Cartman swore.

“Hmm. We’ll see about that, fat boy. I know your sense of humor too well,” Kenny said, tapping his temple.

Cartman fished a card from the pile and slapped it on the table. “‘During sex, I like to think about…’ Goddammit. Kenny’s already winning this one.”

Kenny shuffled through his cards. “Anyone got a Butters card?” he asked.

“Shut the fuck  _ up,  _ Kenny. We haven’t even had sex yet,” Cartman snapped.

Kyle was taken aback. Apparently so was Kenny. “What? Really? No. You’re lying,” Kyle said.

“Why would I lie about something like that? Why lie about being a virgin? Do you not remember how I used to say I was ‘quite the ladies’ man’ back in fourth grade? It was a lie, but you remember,” Cartman said.

“Wait, wait, wait. So Cartman, you’re telling me you’ve  _ never  _ touched Butters?” Kenny asked.

Cartman and Butters’ faces turned red as they traded looks. “I mean, we’ve…  _ touched _ ,” Cartman said.

“But, like, nothing with the mouth?” Kenny pressed.

Cartman cleared his throat. “Well…” He shook off his embarrassment and clarified, “There’s been no intercourse is what I mean.”

“Okay. That makes more sense. Now can we get back to the game? I have a date in an hour, remember?” Kyle said.

“Oh yeah!” Butters said. “And you aren’t even dressed yet. Or are you?”

Kyle looked down at his jeans and his semi-formal shirt. “I am. Why? Is this not good enough?”

Kenny waved a hand, eyes already on his cards. “Should be fine. She dated Cartman, after all.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, and Cartman scowled. Kyle looked at his cards.

Kenny added, “No offense to you, Leo.”

Kyle exhaled and studied his cards. His best one that applied to Cartman’s sense of humor was his “Powerful thighs” card. He tossed it onto the table. Butters slapped a hand over Cartman’s eyes when he chose his card. Kenny threw down his.

When three cards were on the table, Cartman mixed them around before flipping over one. He read, “‘During sex, I like to think about... My inner demons… Teaching a robot to love… Powerful thighs.’ Fuck. These are all good.”

He picked up the robot card. “Is this your Butters?” he asked.

Butters grinned. “Yeah. Do I win the black card?”

Cartman dropped the card. “No. It just sounds like a familiar situation.”

Butters pouted.

Cartman winced as he picked up the demons card. “Kyle, please tell me this is yours,” he said.

“Nope.”

Kenny jumped to his feet, cheering. He snatched the black card from the table, dancing around. “I win. I win. I  _ win. _ ” He pointed at Cartman. “Fooled ya, bitch.”

Cartman groaned and threw his nine black cards up in the air. “You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

Kyle stood, stretching. “I gotta fix my hair.”

In the bathroom, Kyle found a bottle of Clyde’s gel. He took off his hat and put some on his palms. He ran his hands through his red curls, getting rid of the frizziness. He stared at his reflection. His button-down shirt was plain gray. His blue jeans were faded. His Converse were dirty, but he looked fine. Not too fancy, not too casual. Not too desperate, not too uncaring.

Kyle stepped back into the living room and tossed his hat to Kenny. “Watch this for me while I’m gone.” He did a double-take, seeing Butters muzzled into the crook of Cartman’s neck on the couch as they watched TV. Kyle pointed to them. “This is the most PDA I’ve seen from them.”

Kenny shrugged, putting Kyle’s hat over his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’m not staying to third wheel. I’m gonna go find Henri.”

Kyle raised a skeptical eyebrow. “She finally agreed to go out with you?”

“Nah. I’m gonna go bother her about it. She’s got a tattoo on the upper thigh of her right hip that I  _ need  _ to see,” Kenny said.

“What’s the tattoo of?”

“I dunno. I’ve never seen it.”

Kyle asked, “Then how do you know she has a tattoo?”

“When she was wearing a skirt this one day and I saw a snake head on her hip. I almost missed it since it blended in with her fishnets. I asked her about it, but she just told me I’d have to find out for myself one day.” Kenny whistled lowly, closing his eyes. “I dream about it all the time.”

Kyle gagged. “Sick.” In the mirror by the basement door, he fixed his collar. “Why won’t she go out with you again?”

Kenny opened his eyes. “I’m not old enough for her. Which I can’t help because I can’t magically make myself older. Wish I could though,” he mused.

Henrietta had a reputation for liking older men. It was nonconformist apparently. But also illegal. Which probably made it nonconformist.

“Okaay. I’m gonna go now.” Kyle jabbed a finger at the door. “See ya.” He cast a glance at Cartman and Butters one last time. They were still cuddling as they stared at the screen. Kyle didn’t get what Butters saw in Cartman.

“Don’t worry about them. I’ll make sure they use protection,” Kenny joked.

“Fuck off, Ken.” Cartman added with a smirk, “Get some, Kyle.”

Kyle snorted and shook his head, spinning on his heel. He grabbed his coat on the way out. He picked up his bike abandoned in the driveway and rode to Denny’s. He wanted to get there early so he wouldn’t seem like a dick for making Heidi wait if he was late.

 

At Denny’s, Kyle had just received a text from Heidi that she was on her way. He was relieved she wouldn’t be waiting for him alone. He stood by the bike racks, staring at the street ahead with his hands in his coat pockets. He’d never been so nervous about anything. This was his first real date with a girl he really liked.

A silver car pulled up to the sidewalk. Kyle’s stomach dropped as Heidi stepped out of the passenger side, waving goodbye to her mom. Heidi turned back around and her eye caught Kyle’s. She smiled radiantly with her pink lip gloss. She walked over to him extending her hands. He reached out as her fingers enveloped his.

Unable to help himself, his eyes skimmed over her body. She was wearing a long sleeved maroon dress with leggings. A patterned beige scarf was around her neck, her hair braided to the side.

“Like my new dress?” Heidi asked. She let go of one of his hands to spin in a circle. Her skirt fanned out against her legs before settling back down as she beamed up at him.

“Yeah. You look ready for autumn,” he said, smiling. “Did you get it for this certain occasion?”

Heidi struck a pose. “Thank you. Yes, I did. But only because my friends dragged me to the mall to buy a new outfit. Would you like to go inside now?”

Kyle laughed, taking her by the waist as he led her into the Denny’s. They were seated at a booth right next to the window. The moon was right outside, full and shining.

“What are you gonna order?” Kyle asked, looking at his menu.

“French toast and hot chocolate,” she said.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Breakfast for dinner?”

Heidi lifted a palm. “Why not?”

He chuckled. “Then I guess I’ll get pancakes since I don’t wanna be left out.”

The waitress came by and recorded their orders.

“I have  _ so  _ much homework,” Heidi said.

“Like how much?”

“A lot. Especially since I have to study for four different things. I have a presentation in English, a test in Chemistry, that quiz in Algebra, and a verbal quiz in Spanish.” She cupped her hands around her face and groaned.

Kyle shook his head smiling. “I know how  _ that  _ feels,” he said.

Their conversation went on until their food arrived. Even then, all they did was talk. About school, friends, family, and of course, their loneliness.

Heidi sucked in a breath, tapping her painted fingernails on the table. Their plates were empty. “I started feeling alone when I asked for forgiveness from my friends after I broke up with Eric. Even if they accepted my apology and said I was their friend again, I still felt like a bad person, and I was insecure that they secretly hated me. I worried that they talked shit about me behind their backs like they used to when I dated Eric. I think they sensed this, and this wall grew between us, and they wouldn’t tell me things, and I wouldn’t tell them things. It was  _ really _ bad in middle school. I thought I forgot what it was like to feel emotion… but in freshman year I learned that they weren’t being two-faced, and that I was just being paranoid. I opened up to them, and for a while, I didn’t feel so lonely. But then they started getting boyfriends, and I was left alone. Again,” she explained. She laughed, but it was a self-deprecating laugh. “How about you?” she asked meekly.

Kyle sighed, taking her tapping fingers in his hands. “It’s really similar to yours. In middle school, though, I had it good. Stan swore off dating Wendy, and we fixed our estranged friendship. In fourth through sixth grade, we kind of grew apart, but when we went to middle school, that changed. We were in a new environment, and we could start over. Stan wanted to figure his life out, so he swore off Wendy. He spent a lot of his time with me and the others, and it was like we never grew apart in the first place. But then in freshman year, as soon as it hit, he went back to Wendy. He started spending all this time with her. I had spent so much of my time with Stan that it didn’t cross my mind to make new friends and meet new people. At the time, I thought we’d be back on track with now close we were. I was wrong, obviously. Then Kenny went off and found interest in Henrietta. Cartman and Butters were acting distant, which I know the reason for now. I couldn’t really hang out with Craig and Those Guys because it was the same situation with them too. Tweek and Craig had each other, as did Token and Nichole. Clyde was off with Bebe, and Jimmy had other friends. My friends were all doing things I couldn’t, and I was excluded,” he said.

Heidi traced the lines on his palm. “Then let’s be lonely together,” she mused.

Kyle tilted his head to the side, smiling. “I was thinking the same thing not too long ago.”

They split the bill only because Heidi insisted on it. It was eight o’clock by the time she was dragging Kyle out the Denny’s by the hand. Her curfew was nine. They had an hour to have the town all to themselves.

The spokes on Kyle’s bike clicked as he held it with one hand, the other in Heidi’s. They walked back to their neighborhoods, but their movements were slow. Heidi bounced to her toes whenever she took a step. She loosened her grip on his fingers to spin in a circle. She had a big smile on her face, and it made Kyle laugh and smile too. She was humming, dancing like nobody was watching. He spun her into him after she twirled again. She fell back against his chest, his arm across her body. She never let go of his hand.

“I think I need you,” Heidi said, over the noise of the cars driving past. "I think fate brought us back together for a reason."

The words struck Kyle through his heart, hitting his core. He melted a little, knowing the same was true for him. “I think I need  you too ,” Kyle said.

“I need you!” Heidi shouted.

“I NEED YOU!” Kyle howled.

Passersby looked at them like they were crazy, but to Kyle and Heidi, they were frozen in time, the only people in town. They laughed, slumping into each other.  “That was pretty cringe. But thank you for such a great night, Kyle,” she whispered.

His pressed his lips to her cheek as he responded, “Thank  _ you _ .”

At Heidi’s house, Kyle walked her up the steps to the door. The lights were on, but the blinds were closed. Heidi wrapped her arms around Kyle’s shoulders and kissed him. It was quick and fleeting.

“I had so much fun tonight,” she said, her arms still around him.

Kyle searched her brown eyes. “I’m glad.”

Heidi pulled him into a tight hug. “I need you,” she whispered.

He buried his face in her shoulder. They stayed like that, her on the steps leading up to the front door, him on the ground, leaning into each other because gravity willed them to. Heidi pulled back, kissing his cheek before disappearing inside.

Kyle stood frozen outside her house. He watched as a silhouette stood in front of the window. For the both of them, they, for the first time, had something to lose. And it felt good. Not because it was possible he would lose her someday, but because he finally had something he’d been needing— _wanting,_ and he had to do everything in his power to keep that. He straddled his bike and began his ride home just as a pair of brown eyes peeked through the blinds and watched him disappear down the sidewalk.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**And I guess we fell apart in the usual way**  
**And the story's got dust on every page**  
**But sometimes, I wonder how you think about it now**  
**And I see your face in every crowd**

* * *

A week. It was another Friday. Another five days powered through. The weekend was so close Kyle could taste it. At six, Kyle showed up to Stan’s house for board game night. Being his next door neighbor, he arrived in less than a minute after texting. Stan opened the door.

“Hey, dude,” he said, stepping aside to let him in.

“Hey.”

Kyle surveyed the living room he knew so well. For a short period of time, Stan had lived on a cannabis farm. It was just yet another one of Mr. Marsh’s midlife crisis breakdowns. It was weird not having him a few yards away, but then again, they grew apart somewhat in their last years of elementary.

“Kenny’s in the bathroom, and I have no idea where Cartman or Butters are. They aren’t replying,” Stan said, sitting on the couch. Kyle sat on the other end.

“They’re probably losing track of time as they make out,” Kyle joked.

Stan clucked his tongue, a teasing grin on his face. “Jealous?”

Kyle hit him with a cushion. “Fuck off, Stan. Yeah right.”

Stan’s gaze stayed on Kyle’s face for a second too long. A second that made his heart go erratic and his face heat up. “What?” he asked.

Kenny came down the stairs, singing “Bodak Yellow.” He saw Kyle on the couch and grinned. “Oh, hey, Kyle,” he said.

“Hey, Kenny, don’t you think Kyle would look good with a nose piercing?” Stan asked. “He’s got a cool nose.”

Kyle reeled, feeling his face grow hotter. “What?”

Kenny leaned on the back of the couch, staring at Kyle’s face. He hummed. Out of their friend group, Kenny had the most piercings: nine. He had three lobe piercings in each ear, two cartilage piercings on his left ear, and was planning on getting a tongue piercing with Henrietta. The second one with the most piercings was Stan, with his piercings in his ears. They were simple black studs. One in each ear. Kenny took Kyle’s chin and tilted his head back.

Kyle swatted his hand. “Don’t touch me,” he snapped.

Ignoring Kyle, Kenny said, “Yeah. In his left nostril. A small diamond stud. You could come with me and Henri tomorrow when we go to get pierced.”

Kyle was beginning to protest when Stan said, “Yeah, dude! We could all go and watch you get your first piercing.”

His ocean blue eyes were so wide and hopeful, it made it really difficult for Kyle to say no. But he did anyway. “No way, dude! My mom will _kill_ me if she finds out I got a piercing without her permission!” he exclaimed.

“Then ask her permission,” said Kenny.

Kyle stared at him slack jawed. Then he exploded, “If I did, dumbass, she’d say no! And either way, don’t you need parents’ permission to even _get_ a piercing under eighteen?”

“Henri can sign off for you. She’s got a fake ID, and she knows the chick who does piercings,” Kenny said. “She’s gonna be the only one working tomorrow, which is why that’s when Henri and I are going then.”

“You can bring Heidi if you’re too scared to do it alone,” Stan taunted.

Kyle smacked him with the cushion again.

Kenny shook Kyle’s shoulder, whining, “C’mon, Kyle. It’ll be _fun_.”

Kyle had never been so relieved to hear aggressive knocking at the front door and Cartman’s shout, “Open the fucking door, losers!”

Kenny went around the couch to open the door. Cartman and Butters came in. Butters greeted them cheerily as he always did, and Cartman just rolled his eyes like he couldn’t be bothered.

“Cartman, your honest opinion: how would Kyle look with a nose piercing?” Stan asked.

“Ugh,” Kyle groaned.

Cartman made a face. “Why are you asking me? You know I’d just say he’d look as shitty as he always does.”

“You look as shitty as you always do,” Kyle snapped.

“I think he’d look great!” Butters exclaimed.

Kenny put an arm around Butters’ shoulders. “See, Kyle? Even Leo agrees.” The two blondes traded a smile.

“Get your filthy hands off my boyfriend, Kenny,” Cartman said darkly.

Kenny lifted his arm and put his hands in front of his chest in surrender. “Sorry, sorry,” he said.

Cartman pulled Butters to him.

“You’re being extra possessive today,” Kyle observed.

“Fuck off,” Cartman said.

Butters stage-whispered, “He was denied KFC for dinner.”

Cartman sat on the floor, taking Butters with him. “I can’t believe they’d rather have Taco Bell,” he grumbled. “Fucking Clyde.”

Butters shook his head with a smile and put his head on Cartman’s shoulder.

Stan clapped his hands together. “Anyway. It’s Ky’s turn to choose the game.”

“I choose Uno,” said Kyle.

Stan nodded as he went into the garage where the Marshes kept their board games. When Stan came back up, he said, “How about this? If I win, or if Kenny wins, you have to get a nose piercing. If you win, then you don’t.”

“What about Cartman and Butters?” Kyle asked as they all sat down at the dining table.

Stan shrugged. “They can choose, I guess. I dunno.”

“If I win, Kyle has to get a belly button piercing,” Cartman smirked.

Kyle threw a pen that was on table at him. Cartman dodged it easily, much to his disappointment. He stuck his tongue out at him. Kyle rolled his eyes. Cartman picked up the habit from Butters, who, when he so rarely got mad, stuck his tongue out instead of flipping people off. It was fairly amusing to Kyle that Cartman picked it up.

“If I win, Kyle can choose whatever he wants,” Butters said.

Stan dealt out cards before sitting next to Kyle. “You better pray, Ky, that you win.” He turned his head to flash a smile at Kyle. Kyle sat back in his chair, looking at his cards as he flushed in anger and embarrassment and frustration.

 

Kyle glared at the tattoo parlor. It looked like any other tattoo parlor, with the dark exterior and tinted windows and the skateboard stickers all over the glass, not to mention the graffiti scratched into the paint of the building. He couldn’t believe he’d lost. He knew his odds weren’t good, that he would only be satisfied if he or Butters won, but Stan had won, and now here they were. In front of the tattoo parlor.

“Well, pussies, are you ready?” Henrietta asked, looking at Stan and Kyle and Heidi in the backseat.

“Yep,” said Stan as he got out of the car.

Kyle knew his hand was sweaty in Heidi’s as he watched Henrietta and Kenny get out of the car. Heidi looked to him. “Ready?” she asked.

Kyle groaned. “Not exactly,” he said.

Heidi opened her door, tugging him out. “Think about it this way: if you really hate it, you can let the piercing close up. You’re not paying for it, so what does it matter?”

Kyle slammed the door closed. It was true. The one good thing that came out of this all was that Kenny and Stan were paying for the piercing, not him. Kenny held open the door for them all. As he walked through the door, Kyle’s nerves awoke. The parlor was empty save for them. Only one woman with pink hair, up to her neck in tattoos, was in the shop.

Henrietta flashed her a grin. “Hey, Missy,” she said. Henrietta faced the rest of the group, flourishing a hand to the woman. “This is Missy. She did my tattoos and piercings.” Her brown eyes found Kyle’s. “And she’ll be doing yours too.”

Henrietta had six piercings in total. One septum nose piercing, two lobe piercings in each ear, and an industrial piercing on her right ear. And now she would be a getting belly button piercing. Henrietta from fourth grade might as well be a completely different Henrietta now. Her black hair was a little bit longer, just past her shoulders. She did it up in a half beehive (as Heidi had described it) instead of keeping it down all the time. On the drive over, Henrietta was telling Heidi her inspiration was Amy Winehouse. Her eyes were lined with dark liner, her lips matte purple. She still wore fishnets, but now under her heavily ripped jeans. And of course, she had a tattoo. And she was barely sixteen yet.

Missy gave them a crooked smile. “You’re a bright bunch. Don’t worry. I’ll make your experience as painless as possible.” Her eyes landed on Heidi. “What about you, pretty thing? Are you getting a piercing too?”

Heidi shook her head. “Oh no. I’m just here to accompany him.” She nudged Kyle with her shoulder.

Missy nodded. “Who’s first?”

“Kyle,” Kenny and Stan said.

“Fuck you all,” Kyle snapped as Missy gestured to a chair next to a cabinet ready with a piercing gun and needles and a selection of rings.

Heidi squeezed his hands as he walked to the chair. He sat down and glared at Kenny and Stan, who were looking down at him with shit-eating grins.

“Chill, dude. It’ll be over before you know it. It was like that with my piercings,” Stan said.

“You got your fucking ears pierced, not your nose!” Kyle argued.

Henrietta got a chair for Heidi to sit in next to Kyle. Then she leaned against Kenny, her arms crossed. “It hurts a little, but it really comes down to your tolerance for pain.”

Kenny nodded in agreement. Kyle noticed his arm snake around Henrietta’s waist, and he noticed how she didn’t push him off.

Missy put on blue latex gloves and asked, “Where would you like the piercing?”

Stan touched Kyle’s left nostril. “There.”

Missy cleaned Kyle’s nose before marking his nostril with a pen. She looked to Stan. “That good?”

“Perfect.”

“What kind? Ring or stud?”

Kenny and Stan had agreed to let Kyle make this decision at the very least. If he were to get a piercing, he should at least like the piece of jewelry going into his nose. Missy held out an encased selection of jewelry. Kyle pointed to the smallest diamond stud. Conveniently for his friends, it was also the cheapest diamond.

Missy nodded and went through the cabinet. Kyle focused on his breathing and the pounding of his heart. Heidi kissed his cheek, murmuring calm things in his ear. Before he knew it, Missy had a needle poised over his nose.

He covered up his fear by snapping at Kenny and Stan, “I’ll get you both back for this.”

“It won’t be bad, dude,” Stan assured.

“Yeah, don’t be such a pussy,” Kenny said. “I’m getting my _tongue_ pierced after you. My _tongue._ I’ll have trouble eating for months!”

“Just relax, kiddo,” Missy said to Kyle.

Kyle forced himself to relax. Forced his heart to calm. When the needle punctured his nostril, his eyes began to water. Heidi thumbed away a stray tear rolling down his cheek.

When Missy pulled back, Kyle realized it was over.

“Are you crying?” Stan asked. His eyebrows furrowed in worry that was long overdue.

“No,” Kyle said.

“The nose tissue is connected to the sinuses, so of course his eyes will water. My eyes did when I got my nose pierced,” Henrietta said.

Kenny flicked her septum ring playfully.

Missy offered him a mirror. He looked at his nose. His piercing was so small it was barely noticeable at first glance. It looked like another one of his freckles, until it caught the light. His nose was red, but that was expected. “Hm,” he said. He faced his friends. “Not gonna lie, I don’t hate it.”

Kenny grinned widely. “See? The piercing hurt less than your ego at admitting that we were right and you were wrong.”

Kyle kicked him.

Heidi peered across him at his nose. “I love it. You look cute,” she said.

Kyle smiled and kissed her since she was only an inch away.

Stan took a picture. “It’s really cool, dude.”

Kyle stood and pushed Kenny towards the chair. “Your turn, asshole.”

Kenny sat down and stuck his tongue out eagerly. He waggled his eyebrows at Henrietta, who was seated in the row on leather chairs, filling out three forms—one for Kyle, Kenny, and herself. She flipped him off with her black painted nail.

Kyle sat in the vacant chairs next to Henrietta, and so did Heidi and Stan. Henrietta’s hand flew across Kyle’s form. She didn’t look up when she said, “I advise you to not touch your piercing while it’s healing, no matter how much you’re tempted to. It’ll just get swollen.”

“Okay,” said Kyle.

Stan was fiddling with his phone to Kyle’s left. “Is it cool with you if I post the picture on my story?”

“Is it a good picture?” Kyle asked.

Stan showed him. It was just his red nostril and the stud and a few of his freckles.

“Yeah fine. Just make sure my parents or their friends don’t see it,” Kyle said. Stan had so many Instagram followers that he was almost at a million.

“Yeah, most of the adults that follow me I blocked from seeing my stories.”

Kenny was bent over a sink, spitting out antiseptic mouthwash. Everyone but Henrietta watched as Missy checked Kenny’s tongue with new gloves.

“I assure you that my tongue is perfect. Ask Henri,” Kenny said, words garbled with his tongue out of his mouth.

Henrietta looked up and narrowed her eyes at Kenny. “You wish, McCormick.”

“One of these days,” sighed Kenny.

It wasn’t long before Kenny was flashing his pierced tongue to their group, taking extra care to show off to Henrietta. She just rolled her eyes, looking annoyed as she shoved the forms in his chest. “Finish filling these out,” she said. She sat in the chair and pulled up the hem of her black crop top and rolled down the waist of her fishnets to expose her belly button.

Kenny took Henrietta’s chair. “She loves me,” he said.

Heidi shifted. “Are you sure? She looked annoyed.”

Kenny laughed. “That’s just how she shows affection.”

“Are you guys dating?” Heidi asked.

“Not yet,” Kenny said. “But I’ll win her over eventually. She’s gotta conform to me sooner or later.”

“Finish filling out those papers, Kenny. I already did two. You just have to do mine,” Henrietta said.

“Oh, I’ll do yours one day, Henri. I promise,” he responded.

“Shut up and write,” she snapped.

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose at Kenny and Henrietta’s exchange. “Christ,” he mumbled.

Kyle laughed.

When everyone was pierced, Missy accepted the forms and gave them the solutions to use to clean their piercings. Stan and Kenny paid for Kyle’s piercing, and Henrietta paid for hers and Kenny’s, since she refused to let him pay for his own.

Henrietta dropped Kyle, Stan, and Heidi off on their street. Kenny waved goodbye to them out the window, his tongue hanging past his lips like a dog.

Henrietta drove off, leaving the three of them on the street. Kyle said, “My mom’s gonna flip.”

Stan pat his arm. “S’okay, dude. If you get grounded, Heidi and I’ll sneak in to keep you company.”

“Not exactly reassuring,” Kyle grumbled.

Heidi hugged him around his middle, squeezing him tight. “See you soon. I gotta get home.”

Kyle kissed the top of her head. “I can walk you. I wanna stay as far away from my parents for as long as possible.”

“Okay,” Heidi said.

Stan said, “I gotta go too. Shelly’s home for the weekend and this is probably going to be the longest I’m gonna be allowed away.”

“See you, Stan,” Kyle said.

Heidi waved and Stan waved back before disappearing into his house.

Kyle put his arm around Heidi, walking down the sidewalk towards her house. It was quiet in the neighborhood, even in the afternoon. Heidi was rubbing Kyle’s hand against her cheek.

“You know, I’ve always thought guys with nose piercings are cute. Now you’re even cuter,” she said.

Kyle snorted. “Thanks.”

At her doorstep, they shared one last kiss. Heidi sprung one of his curls falling out of his hat. “Bye,” she whispered.

He chuckled. “Bye.”

She disappeared in the house, and he turned and walked back to his house. With each step, his anxiety increased. His nose was sore, and the solution in his backpack felt heavier than it should have been. At his door, he unlocked it and opened the door as quietly as possible. It didn’t matter, though, because Kyle’s mom called, “Kyle, come sit down for lunch.”

Kyle cringed. Having to sit in front of his parents for an extended amount of time was what he wanted to avoid. “Coming, Ma,” he said.

He walked into the kitchen, where he sat across from Ike, who was looking down at his phone while munching on his sandwich. Mrs. Broflovski set down a plate in front of Kyle. She asked, “Where have you been all afternoon?”

Kyle picked up the sandwich. “Hanging out with Stan, Kenny and Henrietta, and Heidi.”

Mrs. Broflovski’s eyebrows rose. “Heidi? Who’s Heidi?”

Ike answered, not looking up from his phone, “Kyle’s girlfriend.”

Kyle shot his little brother a glare, even though he couldn’t see it. Mrs. Broflovski turned to Kyle. “I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” she said.

“Yeah. We’ve been dating for a week,” he answered. He realized he’d much rather talk about this than the piercing on his left nostril.

“I would love to meet her one day, bubby.” She paused. “Is she the same Heidi that dated your friend Eric Cartman?” she asked.

Kyle spoke around his mouthful. “Cartman’s not my friend. We only hang out with him because we feel bad for him. And yeah, he dated Heidi all the way back in fourth grade.”

“He’s not bothered by it?”

Kyle shook his head. “He _encouraged_ it,” he said.

“Why?”

Ike said, “Because he’s dating Butters.”

Mrs. Broflovski blinked in surprise. “The Stotch boy?”

“Shocking, right?” Kyle said.

Kyle’s dad walked into the room. “I’m waiting for a call, so I need to take my lunch up to my office, and I need quiet—Hey, Kyle, why is your nose so red?”

Kyle felt himself pale. He tried to play it off innocent. “Hm?”

Mr. Broflovski leaned over the back Kyle’s chair, squinting. Then his eyes widened. “Kyle…” Kyle tensed, feeling the consequences coming already. “Is that a diamond stud in your nostril?”

Kyle winced when his mom exclaimed, “What, what, what?!” She shot out of her chair and rounded the table to peer at his nose. She took his chin and forced his head to the right so she could see the piercing better. “When did you get this?” she demanded.

“Today,” Kyle mumbled.

Gerald put a hand on his wife’s arm. “Don’t worry so much, honey. It’s so small that it’s barely noticeable,” he said.

Ike went around the table to observe Kyle’s piercing. “I like it,” he said.

Sheila said, “It’s not about whether it’s small or not, it’s about the fact that he did it without us knowing!” She whirled back to Kyle. “How did you even get this done? Don’t you need parents’ permission first?”

Kyle bit his tongue, debating whether or not he should tell the truth. If he told her Henrietta signed off and Missy accepted it, she’d complain to Henrietta’s parents and report Missy to the cops, probably. Henrietta would hold a grudge against him forever, and Missy’s tattoo parlor would be shut down. If he told her he faked a signature, he would get grounded for a weak at least.

“I faked a signature,” he lied.

Sheila continued to fume. “Kyle”—He held back an eye roll at what he knew was coming next—“give me your phone. You’re grounded for the rest of the weekend.”

Kyle reluctantly gave up his phone. A weekend grounding was better than he’d expected. Saturday was already halfway over, and that left Sunday. It was better than a week.

Sheila put Kyle’s plate in his hands. “Finish this in your room. Then bring it back down here when you’re done and put all of the dishes in the dishwasher.” She pointed to his nose. “And make sure you clean that thing! It’d be even worse if it got infected!” She marched out of the kitchen.

Kyle’s dad leaned his back on the counter, munching on his sandwich like he was watching reality TV. He shrugged at the look Kyle gave him. “You heard your mother.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “But between us, I like it too.” He winked before he left to return to his office.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**'Cause darling, it was good**  
**Never looking down**  
**And right there where we stood**  
**Was holy ground**

* * *

When Wendy sat down at their table and Stan automatically put an arm around her, Kyle didn’t feel that pang of jealousy like he normally did. He covered his mouth his his hand to hide his grin at the fact that he was over it.

“Hey, guys,” Wendy said with a bright smile.

Tweek said, “Wendyyy!” and squeezed her around the middle.

Wendy put her arm around his shoulders as she said, “Are you guys going to Halloween Homecoming?”

Most boys at their table blinked slowly. “What?” Kenny asked.

Wendy’s jaw dropped. “Seriously? Do you guys not listen to the announcements? They’ve been talking about Halloween Homecoming all month! It’s basically homecoming, but you get to come in your costume and there’s a bunch of Halloween themes, like trick or treating in a few classrooms and a haunted library. It’s gonna be a big thing. You can read about it in the school newspaper.”

“Nobody reads the school newspaper,” Clyde said. “No offense, Jimmy.”

Jimmy shrugged. “It’s fine.”

Wendy rolled her eyes. “Whatever. The girls and I are going as Old Hollywood. Stan’s going as Jim Stark.” She kissed his cheek.

“Who’s Jim Stark?” Craig asked, prying Tweek off Wendy.

“From _Rebel Without A Cause._ James Dean plays him. I’m going as Judy. Natalie Wood plays her,” Wendy answered.

“Who’s Judy?” Token asked.

Wendy threw up her hands in defeat. “You all are hopeless. And four of you have girlfriends who are going, and you aren’t?”

“I never said I wasn’t going. I just never heard it being called that,” Kyle said. He and Heidi took Halloween very seriously, as he learned back in fourth grade. He would love to see what she was going as, since she wouldn’t tell him. She told him he’d have to find out if he went to homecoming with her. It was a smooth way of asking him.

“We should all go,” said Stan. “We can wear our costumes. There’s a costume contest that we can enter. If we win, we can win five hundred bucks.”

“Sounds lit,” Clyde said. “How much are tickets?”

“Fifteen bucks,” Wendy said.

Kenny suddenly burst out laughing, looking across the table to next to Kyle. Kyle turned to see Cartman about to sit next to him with his earbuds in. Kenny pointed and said, “Nice hickeys, Cartman! Have a wild night last night?” Then he laughed some more.

Cartman’s face was pink as he scowled and rubbed his hand over his neck that was, in fact, spotted with hickeys. Kyle snickered into his hand, counting three. Cartman had his hood over his hat to cover the hickeys mostly on the side of his neck. “It’s from yesterday at lunch. And we’re both still virgins—or half virgins,” Cartman snapped, grumbling the last part. He couldn’t be taken seriously with his blush and those hickeys.

“So _that’s_ where you and Butters disappeared to,” Kyle mumbled behind a smirk.

Cartman turned his glare to him, his earbud cords swinging.

Craig said, “You know, Cartman, if you and Butters _did_ have sex, don’t be ashamed of it. Tweek and I had sex the first time when we were fourteen.” He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

Everyone’s jaws dropped and their eyes popped out of their skulls. “Fourteen?” Stan said. “Fourteen in eighth grade or fourteen in freshman year?”

“Freshman year,” Tweek said.

Butters took his seat on Cartman’s other side. “What’d I miss? You all look real shocked,” he observed.

With a wavering smile, Kenny said, “Well, Tweek and Craig lost their virginities to each other at fourteen last year, and we were discussing the lovely purple necklace you gifted Cartman at lunch yesterday.”

Butters’ brows furrowed as he pushed back a corner of Cartman’s hood. Then his eyes grew big and his cheeks turned as red as Cartman’s windbreaker he was wearing. “Oh,” he said.

Everyone at the table began laughing. Kyle put his shirt over his mouth, but immediately regretted it when his finger bumped his piercing. He winced, letting go of his shirt.

“Oh, yeah, Cartman. Since Ky was grounded for the weekend, and you were missing yesterday, you never saw his piercing,” Stan said.

Cartman tilted his head at him. “It’s funny how you think I care.”

The joy vanished off Stan’s face and Kyle jabbed his elbow into Cartman’s side. “Quit being a dick,” he said.

Cartman’s eyebrow quirked. “Hm. The piercing does look _okay_. You still look like a Jew though.”

Kyle scowled. “You lost weight, but you’re still fat though,” he retorted.

Cartman held up his milk carton in front of his mouth like it was a microphone, singing, “ _I’m beautiful in my way_

_‘Cause God makes no mistakes_

_I’m on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way._ ”

Everyone burst into another round of laughter.

Bebe came by and rested her cheek on Clyde’s head. “Hey, guys,” she sang. She smiled at everyone, but her eyes widened when her eyes landed in Cartman. “Christ, Cartman. Way to flaunt the hickeys.”

Butters’ shoulder hunched up to his ears and Cartman facepalmed. “Okay, look,” he said. “I put ice on them last night to get rid of the swelling, but then I ran out of time this morning to attempt to cover it up because I had to get to the bus.”

Bebe waved her hand in dismissal. “Oh, please. I can help you with that. I always keep an extra brush and concealer with me in case one of my friends decides to be a slut.”

Kyle couldn’t tell if she was joking.

She rounded the table and dumped her backpack on the floor. Everyone watched in amusement as she took a tube of concealer from her backpack and pushed back Cartman’s hood. She held the wand up to Cartman’s skin that wasn’t purple. “Not _exactly_ your color, but it’ll do,” she mumbled as she painted his neck. She took a makeup brush from her backpack and blended the concealer into Cartman’s skin.

By the time she was done, Kyle’s friends and all their girlfriends had gathered around to watch. Heidi was pressed up against his side, looking amused under his arm. Kyle touched his nose to hers, careful to not put pressure on his piercing. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

Her brown eyes sparkled. “Watching Bebe cover up Eric’s hickeys. He looks so resentful,” she said.

It was true. Cartman had this embarrassed yet annoyed expression on his face that somehow looked grateful at the same time.

Bebe said, “You know, Cartman. You’re glowing up nicely.”

Cartman looked at her like she was insane. “What?”

Bebe stood back to examine her work. “I mean, in elementary and middle school you were kinda eh—” Cartman made an offended noise. “But now you’re starting to look… hm. Moderately attractive? I mean, you used to have a double chin, but now you have a jawline, which is shocking. And a neck! I didn’t even know you had one before, but Butters has demonstrated for us that you, in fact, do have a neck. And you lost weight too. You don’t look morbidly obese. You kinda have that huggable fat. And you don’t, like, waddle. And your fingers don’t look like sausages. And whatever you’re doing with your hair is nice.”

The table laughed, and Cartman threw up his hands. “Was that supposed to be a compliment? Because it felt more like an insult,” he said.

“Fuck, Eric,” Clyde howled. “She destroyed you!”

“Sorry,” Bebe giggled. “I’m not really sure how to complimenting you of all people.”

Cartman looked annoyed as everyone continued laughing. Bebe was right though. Cartman was looking better than he used to. He still looked like a cross between a whale and a pig to Kyle, but he wasn’t as much an eyesore anymore.

To Heidi, Kyle asked, “What are you going as for Halloween again?”

Heidi playfully glared at him. “I’m not telling you because you have to show up to homecoming to see it.”

“I know. I just wanted to try. I already bought my ticket,” Kyle said.

Heidi buried her face in his shoulder. “Good,” she said.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tonight, I'm gonna dance**  
**For all that we've been through**  
**But I don't wanna dance**  
**If I'm not dancing with you**  
**Tonight, I'm gonna dance**  
**Like you were in this room**  
**But I don't wanna dance**  
**If I'm not dancing with you**

* * *

On the night of Halloween Homecoming, Kyle showed up as the Mad Hatter when he arrived with Kenny and Henrietta. Costume was mandatory, being the dress code of the dance. If you didn’t show up in a costume, you had to come up with one or you weren’t allowed in. They were waiting for the rest of the group in the cafeteria. Kenny came as a cult leader, wearing a black robe that swept the floor when he walked that he borrowed from Michael. His mask was the coolest part of his costume, being a real cow skull he and Henrietta found by the cow pastures. It sounded unsanitary to Kyle, but he couldn’t deny Kenny’s costume was on point. His costume wasn’t the only impressive thing though. He also managed to drag Henrietta into going with him. Shockingly, she was dressed up as Raven from _Teen Titans._

“It’s not conformist,” she said. “Raven is a nonconformist in the show, so it’s nonconformist if I’m going as a nonconformist.”

The three of them sat at an empty table, Kyle sitting opposite Kenny and Henrietta. Kenny has an arm around Henrietta, and she didn’t shove him off. His mask sat on the table in front of him. Kyle wondered how heavy it was.

“Whatever you say, babe,” Kenny said with a smirk.

“What did I say about calling me babe?” Henrietta grumbled.

“Oh, right. Sorry, princess.” Kenny shot her a shit-eating grin. Henrietta punched his shoulder.

Kyle shook his head as he rolled his eyes, staring at his texts with Stan. He was arriving with Wendy and the girls because they were a group costume. Stan was complaining about how embarrassing it would be when he walked into the school with six girls. It was funny because the other boys who had girlfriends in Wendy’s group were arriving together. Like Token and Clyde and Kevin were arriving with Cartman and Butters. Jimmy was coming with Craig and Tweek. This year, Kyle’s friends had been very secretive about their costumes, and he was on the edge of his seat to see who came as what.

When a cardboard robot walked up to the table with his hand in a blonde girl’s the same height as him, Kyle knew it was Cartman. Kyle’s face split into a grin. “AWESOM-O?” he asked Cartman. “Very reminiscent of fourth grade.”

“Mad Hatter? Embracing your crazy, Jew?” Cartman replied.

Kyle tipped his hat. “Maybe yes, maybe no.”

Henrietta pointed out what Kyle was just about to get to. “Who’s the chick?”

The “chick” was without heels, wearing pale pink flats as she leaned her arm on Cartman’s shoulder. Her hair was blonde, pulled back in a low ponytail. She wore a navy blue halter dress. Her lips were pink, her eyelashes long and dark. Her baby blue eyes looked familiar. Kyle studied the girl. He blinked at her. He squinted. The girl grinned, and a scar over her left eye crinkled ever so slightly. He didn’t notice it at first with the foundation she was wearing, but then Kyle realized why she looked so familiar.

“Don’t you think Butters would be mad if he saw you with this lovely lady?” Kenny flashed his signature grin at her—or rather, _him._ Henrietta punched him again, and he said, “I was joking, babe!”

Kyle stared in wonder at the girl. “Guys, I think that _is_ Butters.”

Butters batted his eyelashes. “Marjorine for today, sweetums.”

“Holy shit! You really had me convinced!” Kyle exclaimed. He dimly remembered them dressing Butters up as a girl in fourth grade to get a device from the girls that he knew now was just a piece of paper.

“I think it’s safe to say he had us all convinced,” Henrietta said, smirking at Kenny, whose eyes were wide, his face red.

Butters twirled a piece of hair around his finger. “Thanks! Bebe did my makeup.”

Cartman laughed. “He even stuffed his bra.” He reached out and squeezed Butters’ left boob.

Clyde, Token, and Kevin walked into the cafeteria, already holding plates of soft tacos. The three wore LED Purge masks and hoodies. Kevin had a camera hanging from his neck. He and Red were part of Yearbook together, and he guessed they would be taking pictures.

Cartman and Butters—or Marjorine—sat at the table and struck up a conversation with Kenny and Henrietta. Kyle continued to wait for Heidi. And then she walked in. And Kyle was stunned.

He hadn’t seen her wear a skirt in a long time. Her legs were smooth and shiny, and he had an urge to reach out as touch her as she got closer. She walked in with the rest of the group, but she stood out to him in her black dress hugging her hips so perfectly, elbow length black gloves, and her brown hair piled up on her head, held in place with a small tiara. A pearl necklace was at her throat. He wanted to faint when she smiled at him.

“Mad Hatter? Nice. It goes with your hair.” She reached out and plucked one of his curls.

Kyle stuttered through his words. “Nice costume!” he finally managed to say.

Heidi smiled, putting her hands on her hips. “Thanks. I’m Audrey Hepburn when she played Holly Golightly from _Breakfast at Tiffany’s,_ ” she said.

Suddenly, it clicked in Kyle’s brain. Wendy had said her and the girls and Stan were going as Old Hollywood. Audrey Hepburn fit that description. He looked around at the rest of the girls standing around the table so their dresses didn’t wrinkle. They were all dripping in diamonds and red lipstick. Except Stan, who was James Dean (obviously) with his white T-shirt, red jacket, and blue jeans. His hair was swept back from his forehead, and it suddenly occurred to Kyle how much Stan looked like James Dean, only with back hair. His eyebrows, nose, and jaw were extremely similar. Wendy hung off his arm, her black hair tightly curled, wearing a pink blouse tucked into a blue skirt that fell to her ankles. She was supposed to be Judy from _Rebel Without a Cause,_ or Natalie Wood.

Annie was so obviously Marilyn Monroe, in her red lipstick and white dress. The rest of the girls were harder to guess.

Bebe wore a black wig and a purple dress. “I’m Liz Taylor,” she said, spinning in a circle.

Red was appropriately Maureen O’Hara, as she explained with her red hair, it fits perfectly. The camera around her neck threw it off a bit though. Nichole was Dorothy Dandridge, in her pink mermaid dress and hair pinned back. Their costumes were so coordinated and creative that it stunned Kyle.

Cartman groaned. “Where are the rest of those assholes? Sitting in here is so lame!”

He wasn’t wrong. The cafeteria was practically empty, with a few kids eating, a group of three girls gossiping to each other, and a teacher supervising it all.

“You don’t even dance,” Stan said.

“So? There’s a lot more to do other than dance. We can go trick or treating in half of the B-hall! And the haunted library. And the fucking costume contest! First place winner gets five hundred dollars!” Cartman said. “If I don’t win, Marjorine better.” He plucked at the velvet blue bow pinning Marjorine’s wig back.

“That’s true,” said Heidi. “They wouldn’t let anyone in the library all last week.”

“Yeah, this dance is supposed to be huge!” Annie added.

“Kevin and I are going to take pictures for Yearbook. See you,” Red said.

As soon as she said it, Jimmy, Tweek and Craig walked into the cafeteria. Jimmy wore a shirt with a bunch of empty, small cereal boxes taped to a white shirt with plastic knives through the middle. Dried red paint leaked onto the shirt. It took Kyle a while to realize he was a cereal killer. Tweek and Craig went as Wonder Tweek and Super Craig, though they had gay flags tied around their shoulders.

“At least _one_ of us better win that costume contest,” Kenny said. “All of our costumes are awesome.”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s dance,” Bebe said, shaking her hips.

Last year, Kyle didn’t go to any dances. He didn’t have anyone to go with, and most of his friends didn’t go either. Only Stan went, and he had Wendy at all times. But this year was different. Kyle wasn’t alone anymore. He had Heidi.

As they walked into the booming quad, illuminated by fairy lights, filled with bodies in costumes, she began bouncing to the music. Kyle realized the DJ was playing “Spooky Scary Skeletons.” The quad was decorated with Halloween decorations. Zombie figures and ghosts hanging from the lights. The trees even had cotton spiderwebs. The student body really went all out.

The rest of the group formed one of those circles that cliques have at high school dances. Most were dancing, but a few, like Kyle, only bobbed to the music. Craig didn’t dance ever, even as Tweek swung his arms around. Kyle knew he couldn’t dance at all. Cartman stood still and laughed at Marjorine’s dancing. Henrietta looked annoyed as Kenny danced around her. Even Jimmy was dancing with Annie, despite his crutches.

Dancing made Kyle feel awkward. He couldn’t get with the rhythm of the beat. He didn’t know any dance moves like Stan, granted, he only knew how to line dance, like the Electric Slide. The only dance moves Cartman knew were some Fortnite emotes he learned years ago. Kenny and Butters could dance like normal people.

Over the music, Heidi shouted, “Just flow with the beat!”

He squeezed her hands, feeling himself flush. “I don’t know how!”

Heidi smiled and playfully rolled her eyes. “Just sway. It’s the easiest thing.” She moved her arms up to his shoulders, and began swaying to a remixed version of "The Monster Mash."

Insecure, but also feeling weird about just standing there, Kyle began swaying with her. She beamed up at him. “See? Easy!”

He tightened his arms around her waist. “Cool, but just don’t let go because it’ll probably look weird if you do,” he said.

Heidi laughed and shook her head. Then she leaned her forehead on his chest.

Songs changed. Requests were taken. Some of the group broke off to get food or drinks. But then the Halloween songs passed and the faster dance songs came on. With the Halloween songs, there wasn’t much to dance to. But with proper dance songs, Kyle began to sweat more than he already was.

The whole quad sang, “ _Shut up and dance with me_!”

Heidi kissed his cheek after she sang the line. In his ear, she said, “Who cares what people will say? Just dance.”

So he did. He felt awkward and stupid, but Heidi rejoiced him. Even his friends _Ayyy_ ed at him a few times.

Stan put his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. Kyle was a little startled at his sudden appearance. He shouted, “After they’re finished fucking around, we’re going to the haunted library and the B-hall before they close it!”

“Cool!” Kyle said.

Stan laughed and poked Kyle’s cheek.

 

Token came around with his arm around Nichole. To the circle, he shouted, “The haunted house closes in an hour, along with trick-or-treating. Nichole and I are going over now.” He and Nichole turned and started in the direction of the library.

The seventeen of them walked towards the library. Outside the doors was a short line of four people. They got in line. When Red and Kevin got to the front, they told the student volunteer there was seventeen of them. She blinked slowly, glancing at Kyle’s huge group of friends. “Go on in,” she said.

The haunted house wasn’t scary. It was more funny, especially when a student volunteer hit his head on the table he was hiding under and swore loudly. And when Cartman purposely stepped on the fingers of another idiot hiding under a table with their hand grasping for ankles, Marjorine scolded him for it.

At the exit, Heidi turned to Kyle, her eyebrows pressed together in worry. “I have to tell you something. In private,” she said.

“Okay.” Kyle turned to Jimmy and Annie. “We’ll meet you guys in the hall.”

Jimmy nodded and Kyle and Heidi broke away from the group. The quad was still dark, shadows dancing on the ground. Kyle realized Heidi’s palm was sweaty as she led him back to the empty cafeteria. She pulled him past all the empty tables, to one in the farthest corner of the doors. She got up on the table and sat on the top. She was shaking and pale.

“Are you okay?” Kyle asked, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead. She was warm.

Heidi nodded. “Fine. I just—I haven’t been completely honest. And I feel like you should know.”

Kyle’s lips parted to ask her what she was talking about when Heidi pulled up the skirt of her dress. Heat flowed through Kyle as he blushed and stared, but said nothing as he stood in front of her. He watched the fabric slide up her knees, up her thighs, and he was feeling particularly aroused until he saw the first scar.

It was small and pale, near her upper thigh. As Heidi pulled back more of her dress, Kyle saw more scars. On both legs, all small and white. He felt the color drain from his face as he stared. Heidi let out a sob.

“I’m so sorry,” she cried.

Nine. That was how many scars she had. Three on her left thigh, six on her right.

Kyle swallowed thickly and shook his head. “Heidi, this—this—”

“Please don’t be mad,” Heidi said. “These were from middle school, when I said I felt so little emotion, remember? This was how I coped. I don’t do it anymore, but I’m so _ashamed_ , and I felt like you should know, and I’m sorry. Don’t be mad.” Her face was red and blotchy with tears running down her cheeks.

Kyle reached up to her face and wiped away the tears. “No, no! I’m not mad or anything.” He brushed his thumb over a scar on her left leg. “I just wish—I wish I could’ve helped you somehow. I’m not mad,” he whispered.

Heidi shot him a watery smile. “Well, you kinda are mad.” She gestured to his costume. “But if you mean _mad_ as in _angry_ , then…” She groaned and sniffled and wiped her nose with her arm. “I’m sorry. You must think I’m a sicko—”

“I don’t think that, and don’t be sorry,” Kyle said. He ran his fingers over her scars. “This is nothing to be ashamed of, Heidi. It was just how you coped. Like Stan… he copes with his depression by drinking sometimes. It’s not a _healthy_ way to cope, but it is what it is. And it doesn’t change how I see you. I still think you’re great and kind and beautiful.” He rubbed her cheek, staring into her watery hazel eyes. He tried for a reassuring smile.

When she smiled back, he pressed a kiss to her lips.

The two walked hand in hand to the B-hall were their friends were trick or treating. The doors that were propped open were the ones that you could trick or treat in. Four doors from the entrance, Kyle could see his friends spread out, holding out paper bags the student body gave you when you came in.

Sitting on the ground with his cardboard robot head at his side was Cartman. In the dim light provided by the lights taped up on the walls, his mouth was smudged pink. His hair was tousled and sticking up. He looked dazed.

Kyle burst out laughing. Cartman turned to glare at him.

“Where’s Butters?” Heidi asked.

Marjorine came swaying over to them right on cue. Her smudged lipstick matched perfectly with the marks on Cartman’s face. She dropped it at his feet before climbing into his lap and pressing her mouth to his.

Kyle’s jaw dropped. Heidi let out surprised laugh. Cartman and Butters weren’t ones for PDA. Everyone knew that. PDA was reserved for Tweek and Craig. The most Cartman and Butters did was hold hands or keep arms around each other. So seeing the two make out in the B-hall with other people around was shocking.

Kyle said to Heidi, “This is the first time I’ve actually seen them kiss on the mouth.”

Now she gaped at him. “Really?”

“Yeah. They’re still really reserved about public displays of affection.”

“Huh,” said Heidi. “I never would’ve expected that.”

Kyle laughed and threw an arm around her. “Well, what do you say about trick or treating down the hall?”

Him and Heidi shared a grin.


	8. Chapter 8

**It was good**  
**Never looking down**  
**And right there where we stood**  
**Was holy ground**

* * *

Months passed. Kyle and Heidi had been together for four months. It was a quick four months that whizzed by at the speed of light. Their relationship went at the same rate, at the speed of light. It was fast and rushing and bright and blinding. There was never a dull moment.

Their touches swiftly turned less innocent. Once, in January, Heidi put her hand on his thigh when they were on a date at the movie theaters. With the dark secrecy of the theater, Kyle found himself fantasizing of a moment would it just be the two of them alone in a dark room. From that day on, the feeling of her hands on him graced his dreams. Each time, he woke up in sweat, aching for her touch.

He didn’t often have sex dreams. In fact, he’d never had a sex dream. The one about Heidi writhing underneath him was his first. So to wake up with a strong desire for someone was new and shocking.

It was at Heidi’s house, one Saturday afternoon. Late afternoon, with the sun setting beyond the windows. Her parents were out of town to visit her dad’s sister. Having Heidi call Kyle and hearing her tell him her parents were out of town, asking if he would like to come over, was the most rebellious thing he’d ever witnessed her do.

And now here they were, sitting up in her room, Kyle’s music of Khalid playing quietly in the background. They didn’t do much at first. They watched YouTube and went through Instagram and DMed each other videos. Then Heidi dropped her phone to the mattress and put her chin on the back of Kyle’s shoulder. “I’m bored,” she said.

There was something about the way she said it though, something that made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He rolled from his stomach onto his back. He stared up at her pretty face, slightly pink, and her eyes glimmering, “Well… what do you want to do?” he asked slowly. He silently prayed that this was going where he wanted it to go.

Heidi bit her lip, and Kyle was positive she was trying to turn him on. It was working. She looked everywhere in the room but him. “Maybe we could try something new,” she suggested.

Unable to help himself, Kyle reached out and rubbed his thumb over the waistband of her sweatpants, trying to drop hints himself. “What kind of new?” he asked, lowering his voice.

She met his eyes. They were glinting with mischief and lust now. He was sure of it. Heidi put her mouth on his, kissing him softly. The type of kiss that made him want more. He reeled her back in when she pulled away, not quite done with her yet. He kissed her deeply, stealing her breath. His hands slipped up her tank top, caressing her skin.

She sighed breathily, tilting her head back, exposing her neck. Kyle kissed that next, nipping and sucking. She giggled, unbuttoning his jeans. God, he could already imagine it: her under him and moaning and begging and him complying. The thought made his pants grow uncomfortably tight. Growling, he kicked off his jeans. Then he took off Heidi’s tank top. They stopped, staring at each other. He was without pants, she was shirtless.

“Are you sure you wanna…?” he prompted.

Heidi smirked, sticking her hands up his shirt and resting them on his hips. “Just take them off already,” she demanded.

Kyle was suddenly even more aroused than he had been. “Bu—protection,” he stuttered out.

Heidi laughed, disappearing from the room. She came back not ten seconds later and threw a condom at him. “Do you want me to close my eyes as you put it on?” she asked teasingly, crawling back into bed.

Kyle swallowed thickly, blushing. “Uh, yes please. Close your eyes. And don’t peek. And lay down on your back,” he added.

Surprise crossed Heidi’s face as she did as he said. Shaking with excitement and nerves and anticipation, Kyle shred off his last pieces of clothing and rolled the condom on. Then he stared at Heidi in her sweatpants and black bra. It was the type of bra that had those strap things down the front, curving with the shape of Heidi’s breasts. The sight alone made him go crazy.

“Are your eyes still closed?” he asked her, putting his hands on her hips.

Heidi put her hands over her still-closed eyes. “I promise.”

“No peeking,” he breathed. He stripped her down, slow enough that she could stop him if she wanted. She didn’t. She lifted her hips off the mattress, making it easier to slide off her pants.

When her sweatpants tumbled to the floor and his breath left him as he stared at the masterpiece laid out on front of him eagerly, realized they were facing the foot of the bed. Heidi’s pillows were at their feet. He chuckled to himself, a sound that made Heidi lower her hands that were still pressed to her eyes.

“Can I open my eyes now?” she asked.

He traced her scars on her thighs. If he had to wait any longer, he might go insane from that clawing feeling of pure _want._ “Yes,” he rasped.

She opened her eyes. Her expression told him she liked what she saw. “Impressive,” she said, eyes raking over him in a way that made him want to pin her down and map her out with his tongue. Kyle bent his neck to kiss her as a response. He wouldn’t be able to form the right words if he were to speak. He unhooked her bra and slid it off her arms. She whined, quietly commanding him to “Go lower.”

So he did. He kissed his way down. Her hands were deep in his curls, guiding him lower and lower, her breath already heavy.

This was better than his dreams, Kyle decided. This was real. This was reality as his hands parted her thighs. He kissed her scars, then her stretch marks. Then he had his tongue on her and he was tasting her and he realized that _Oh, God, his head was between her legs._ It made every part of him ache as he brought up her knees, holding her by her thighs as he worked his mouth. She tasted sweet. He sucked and licked and grunted, feeling hot all over. Heidi’s grip on his hair grew tighter as her moans got louder. Her knees locked around his head and she kept him there and she would keep him there until she was done with him.

After what felt like too short, she released him with a gasp, and he crawled on top of her. He kneeled where his head had just been, unsure whether if she would be okay with him kissing her considering where his mouth was. He decided to kiss her neck and lap at her collar bone. She continued to moan and whine and writhe, jerking her hips as he slowly pressed inside her. He himself strangled out a moan at the feeling.

Then he started moving, and they were moving together. She was saying his name like a prayer: “Kyle, Kyle. Oh, Kyle.” Her nails dragged down his back. The air was hot and heavy. His vision was hazy. He could still taste her on his tongue. And it was when their stomachs brushed did he come with an awkward high-pitched grunt, swearing like a sailor.

He collapsed on top of her, pulling out. They were both panting and sweating. Heidi leaned over the side of the bed and picked up her clothes. He tossed the condom and half dressed himself, falling back to the pillows. Heidi curled up beside him. “I can’t feel my legs,” she murmured.

He laughed, staring up at the ceiling with his arms around her. Now he was just exhausted and spent. “We’ll see the real results in the morning,” he joked.

She swatted him playfully, kissing his jaw. “Night, Kyle,” she whispered.

He kissed her forehead, passing out not long after that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Tonight, I'm gonna dance**  
**For all that we've been through**  
**But I don't wanna dance**  
**If I'm not dancing with you**  
**Tonight, I'm gonna dance**  
**Like you were in this room**  
**But I don't wanna dance**  
**If I'm not dancing with you**

* * *

Kyle had only ever been in love with one person: Stan Marsh. And he didn’t know if he could even consider that love. He loved his super best friend, of course, but he didn’t love Stan the way he loved Heidi. What he had with Heidi was different. When he saw her, all he wanted to do was kiss her and put his hands places where his hands shouldn’t be. It wasn’t all lust though. He enjoyed spending time with her. He liked how she let him lay his head over her heart as they sat together. It was hearing the steady rhythm of her heartbeat did it dawn on him that he was in love with her.

It was summer now. The sky was cloudless, the sun hot. Kyle and all his friends and their partners were hanging out by Stark’s Pond. Kyle sat with Heidi at the water’s edge. She was wearing those skirt cover-ups to hide her scars. As Kyle had learned, Heidi had a liking for bras with those straps down the front, and it applied to bikini tops as well.

Their feet were in the water, which was fine with Kyle, considering how cold the water was. Heidi was reading a book in her lap, and Kyle was watching her. The small amount of clothing she was wearing was driving him off the edge.

There was laughing, and Kyle looked at the water to see Cartman laughing his way. He shouted, “Kyle, don’t you know this is a public setting? You can’t be looking at your girlfriend like that!”

Kyle blushed and scowled, especially when Heidi looked up and raised an eyebrow at him. He stared at her, at a loss for words.

“Um,” he said.

Heidi smiled, bookmarking her page and closing the book. She kissed his face, moving from his jaw to his lips. He couldn’t close his eyes. He could only stare at her and feel his heart pound and think _I love her._

How do you tell someone you love them? How does the subject come about? Kyle had no idea.

So instead he said, “Wanna go in the water?”

She glanced from him to her cover-up, silently reminding him of her scars.

He took her face in his hands. “It’s nothing to be ashamed about,” he whispered.

He watched her gulp, then slowly nod. They stood up, kicking off their flip flops. He saw how Heidi’s hands trembled as she undid the knot on her cover-up. He stood in front of her to block the scars. The cover-up fluttered to the ground. Heidi shuffled her feet, her face red. Headlong, she collapsed into him. He rubbed her arms and her back, quietly assuring her as he led them into the water. He stopped when it reached their hips.

Heidi looked around frantically, as if worried someone saw and would judge her. Kyle cupped her cheek, making her stare up at him. “Heidi,” he said. “It’s okay. I’m sure if someone were to see, they wouldn’t be disgusted. If they said something, I’d kick their ass.”

He kissed the spot under her ear. Her arms slithered around his waist. They held each other, the cold water lapping at their skin. Heidi was nuzzling against his chest, her face still etched with worry. So he kissed her lips. And he told her, “I’m in love with you, Heidi.”

He felt her tremble beneath his fingertips. She hiccuped out a sob. Then it turned into a laugh. She jumped up and kissed his mouth. “I love you too.”

Kyle’s face split into a stupid smile. Heidi was smiling just as bright. He knew they were thinking the same thing.

They started off as lonely, watching their friends disappear one by one to a girlfriend or boyfriend. Then they came together by chance. She told him her darkest secret. He kept it. Their kisses were golden. And they loved each other.

Kyle had never known anything so good.


End file.
